A comment posted by James got me thinking yesterday. He said that "The worst that can happen is that you might make a straight friend."
I have a lot of straight friends. In fact, I actually only have one friend who is out, but he lives about 1200km away, so we only really chat on the phone. Often I go out with my friends, most of whom know I am out, and don't have a problem with it. However, as per the usual flow of conversation with university guys, the topic invariably turns to women, how hot they are etc. etc. Or alternatively, someone will elbow me and point to a girl at the bar whilst making some comment about her physique/legs/breasts - even though they know about my preference.
My question is this: is it okay for me to do the same for any male talent that walks into the bar? I suppose this depends on how comfortable I am with my friends, which is clearly not very much.
What is interesting is that I recently was part of a survey that a friend did on the linguistic aspects of "coming out stories". I realized from my own narrative and her findings that I have followed an approach of "minimizing discomfort" in those around me - most often at the cost of really being myself.
So do I take the plunge next time I am hanging out with my straight friends and counter their comments about beautiful women with my own comments about beautiful men (at the risk of severe awkward moments)? Or do I maintain status-quo, and continue to actually be invited out by said friends?
Thought for the day:
One should have gay friends, preferably enough to outnumber the straight guys at the table.
Friday 09/12/16
7 years ago
3 comments:
loving your blog. personally i know that when i come out i will be commenting on hot guys. if i must i will simply get a new group of friends.
Thanks man, glad you enjoying it! As much as I would like to make new (gay) friends, I really do actually enjoy my current mates. Maybe I should just start being myself, and ignore the awkwardness until they become desensitized.
Ah desensitization... where would Africa be without it?
I spend most of my time as one of a group of six guys, and one other is gay-- it's a big help, but I'll still comment on a guy when he's not around. Friends talk about stuff, including sex and hopes for a partner and all that stuff, and it's important to be able to speak openly about those things with your friends of all people. Pointing out a hot guy every now and then is a good way to ease them into being comfortable if they aren't already.
Just happened across your blog and felt the need to speak up, help out a fellow pseudo-musician and recent ex-closeteer.
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